It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
