I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
