I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
