This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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