and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
