Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You just made me feel so damn special
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
