I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
