Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
