I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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