bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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