shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
