I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
