party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
