Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
