if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
