just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
