I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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