I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
