oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
