If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
