I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
