I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
