i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
