If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
