R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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