I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
