I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
