Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
