I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
