bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
