My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
