Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
