you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
