I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
