just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
