best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
