Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
