We won't sleep together?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
