At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Me too!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
