so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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