Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
