So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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