I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
