Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
