the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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