When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
