I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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