Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
