I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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