It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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