youre lurking in front of me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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